Look Past All the Gourmet Fromage: France's Crisps Represent Utterly Depraved.
This past Christmas, I found myself in the French countryside, a place that seemed on its best behaviour. Discreet, sparkling decorations, village market booths stacked with remarkably pristine fruits and veggies, and a vast array of cheeses to coat the entire Channel Tunnel with dairy fat. Piled platters of glistening shellfish resting on ice visible behind misty restaurant glass. While observing a long but orderly queue of elegant residents retrieving their artisanal *Bûche de Noël*, I felt a traitorous thought, that my home town, York, that transforms into a contemporary interpretation of a tableau of excess at this time of year with mince-pie flavoured vapes and ready-to-drink concoctions, might benefit from some pointers.
The Elegant Facade
But all this “art de vivre” stuff is merely an elegant facade – The country is as prey to its basest appetites similar to everywhere else. Just go into a supermarket to witness it. The snack food corridor stands as a monument to decadence, crammed with flavours including *bleu d'Auvergne*, chickpea fritter, *carbonade flamande* and savory dairy fat tastes. What kind of person consumes chips that taste of butter? It’s like something from those infamous American fairs where they submerge butter patties in hot oil. An entertainer stated online they are the ultimate chip she’s ever tasted, however she has undoubtedly fallen victim to a form of regional conditioning – after all, her childhood was in *Bretagne*.
A Global Lawlessness
It is widely understood the world of potato chip seasoning internationally operates with as few rules as big tech. No one will let potato be potato, enhanced only as necessary by a simple, respectful sprinkle of sodium. Our own nation possesses a checkered past with crisp flavours on British soil, notably around Christmas. The year 2025, let us not forget, introduced Christmas-cake flavoured crisps and special-release pastry-and-meat potato snacks. Let us also recall that time a major retailer deemed “prosecco and winter berry” constituted a desirable taste in a salty crisp? I expected more from the nation of culinary masters.
What next? *Pâté*-flavoured snacks? Cream puff crisps? Gauloises? I should stop, I’m only giving them ideas.
